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Friday, November 7, 2008

Parenting with Love & Logic Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Mission Possible: Raising responsible kids
"All loving parents face essentially the same challenge: raising children who have their heads on straight and will have a good chance to make it in a big world. Every sincere mom and dad strives to attain this goal. We must equip our darling offspring to make the move from total dependence on us to independence, from being controlled by us to controlling themselves." (pp.21)

In the world we live in, responsible kids are the only ones who will be able to handle all the difficult situations and choices. "Many kids arrive at their challenging and life-threatening teenage years with no clue as to how to make decisions. They 'know better' but still try drugs..., ignore good advice, and dabble with sex." (pp.22) Why? They haven't learned to make good choices.

Ineffective parenting styles:
1. Helicopter parents: their lives revolve around their children. They hover and rescue children from bad choices, resulting in children never learning how to deal with consequences. These "loving" parents think they are making it easier for their kids, but their children aren't equipped to deal with the challenges of life. These parents aren't secure in imposing consequences. When their children hurt, they hurt too, so they bail their kids out. The real world is not like this. Normal events of adult life (disease, traffic tickets, bills...) don't disappear because a loving benefactor bails us out. (pp.23)

2. Turbo-attack helicopter model Parents: Parents who no longer recue and defend, but "fly in with guns blazing and missles locked in to attack anyone who held their child responsible for his or her actions." Kids end up blaming others for their lack of success.

3. Drill Sergeant parents: They love their children, but try to control with fierce discipline. They MAKE their kids do the right. (Sound familiar...?) These kids end up never having to think or make decisions. They become very susceptible to peer pressure

Effective parenting style of Love and Logic:

The Consultant Parent
* Especially effective with teenagers
* Kids need guidance and firm, enforceable limits
* Encourage children to think about behavior and help them feel in control of their actions by giving them choices within those limits.
* Important for teens who resent guidelines and rebel at firm limits.
* Let reasonable, real-world consequences do the teaching.
* Parents become advisors and counselors more than police officers.

The Paradox of Success and failure

Crystal's thoughts: Helicopter parents are the bane of any schoolteacher. These parents think their child should get an "A" and a pat on the back no matter what they do! And everything is the teacher's fault!! These parents LOVE No Child Left behind!

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