My faith

I'm a Mormon.

Sunday, July 31, 2011


It's funny. With my first daughter, I really wanted to have a natural birth. I think I was partly scared of having a big needle stuck in my back. I also didn't want surgery. I ended up with pitocin, an epidural, pushing for two hours, and feeling oh-so-grateful when she finally came out (thanks to the doc pushing on the top of my stomach.)

I've learned a lot since then. When preparing for the birth of my 2nd baby girl, I went a little crazy with the research. I was VERY intellectually prepared to have her. And I WAS going to do it naturally. Because that's what good moms do. And I didn't really enjoy the feeling of helplessness with DD1's birth. I wanted to GIVE birth, not just lay there feeling nothing until it was time to purple push and hopefully get a baby out!

But then I actually gave birth. And boy, did I feel it! Labor was fine, but pushing DD2 out was definitely painful. And I remember the fantasies I had about a peaceful birth being completely crushed. No wonder most women choose not to feel it! At that point I wasn't sure I would ever have a natural birth again!

Well, now DD3's birth is imminent! She's coming! Am I ready? What am I going to do? With this birth, my main goal is to have no regrets. I plan an unmedicated birth in a hospital. I have a great midwife who is amazing, and who has helped me prepare mentally and emotionally. (I've been prepared intellectually for a while!)

But sometimes I still catch myself thinking that all women should give birth naturally. I know this is wrong. A woman should have a baby however she wants. I thought this post explained, in a powerful way, that giving birth may not actually be the defining point in a woman's life as a mother! What a great perspective.

So I guess the point of this post is for me to share that birth is wonderful. Powerful. Beautiful. But I look forward to it more as a gateway to bringing another person into our family rather than a transforming, life-changing moment in and of itself. Of course birth transforms you, but I will not feel guilty if my birth isn't the spiritual amazing event that some women describe. I know that once I am holding my new daughter in my arms, I'll be holding a little bit of heaven. And that is enough!


Heatherlady said...

Best wishes Crystal. I hope all goes well for you and your new little one! I can't wait to "meet" this baby too :)

Michemily said...

My sister loves the book "Hypnobirthing." She got into her mode during every contraction and I was completely amazed. Not that I was there for the actual birth, but the hours leading up to it seemed almost like nothing was happening except for that she told me.

Melanie said...

Thanks for saying this! I think I'm pretty much with you in childbirthing experiences for #1 and #2. Sometimes women express such an amazing spiritual experience surrounding childbirth and I feel I've missed out on is hard for me to appreciate my experiences for what they are and not be wishing for some different "amazing" experience. Birth is beautiful no matter what. Just have to have the right mentality I guess to have no regrets even when it's a good experience. :) I wish you and your family all the best with this new little one!

Brandon and Julie said...

i have a friend that does hypnobirthing and she swears by it. I also have to say that I have done the drugs with both of my kids and have felt every contraction and every pain and uncomfortable experience and wouldn't change it. I just know that after having my kids is when I get to experience that little bit of heaven. Good luck!